dammit, I did it again....

Man, why the hell do I always get myself into situations? I mean, Ebon came over, and it was all cool. We were snuggling, watching Rocky Horror Picture Show, and just bein friends. Now all of the sudden I'm like, all freaked out because of what I almost did. How could I do that to Chipmunk? I mean, when I'm drunk, that's another story. I told him that. But this was all me. I was completely fucking sober. I can't believe how I keep doing this. I don't want to screw things up with Chipmunk, at all. I mean, I've known him 4 years, and loved him almost as long. He has so much faith in me, and I always find a way to screw it up. Why does he still love me so much? I mean...I'm a failure. I even thought about NOT going down simply because I found a best friend--something I've been searching for forever. I just don't know what to do anymore...and I only have 2 weeks to decide. I want to go, but I keep finding ways to screw myself up. Maybe Kyraeus is right...maybe I do just always find ways to fuck myself up. I don't know what else to do half the time. I'm not the typical Leo...I let myself be talked into things. And now I have this funny-ass limp, a sprained ankle, and a sprained wrist. All because I went psycho in my car. I rolled it...and walked away. Should I even be alive here? I don't know...maybe there really IS something out there...I DO know that Aphrodite scares the hell out of me. Why the hell is she sending me visions? I hate my life sometimes....