Wow....

Wow. I just had this crazy dream during my nap. In it me and a guy were like, talking, then all of the sudden we got close. And I mean CLOSE! We walked to the end of the yard, and then he's got me pinned against the wall about to fuck me, and my parents come walking down to work on the fountain. My mom's friend looks at us and said, "Ya know guys, I think Snoopy intervened in this for a reason." My mom agreed and told me maybe I should go to bed. I looked at her and was like, "I'm 19 in a few days, and YOU'RE telling ME to go to bed? I'm leaving for TX in..." and I woke up. The weird thing is, I'm not telling my mom until the day I leave. I don't live with her or answer to her, so what's it matter? The bad thing is, I know who the guy in my dream was. He doesn't know that I like him, but if he had gotten to me before Chipmunk, I wouldn't be going down. I like him a lot. I'm just not sure how to tell him. I think he might suspect, but hey, let's keep it that way. DJ Lite will fuck my ass up if I screw things up with Chipmunk. I mean, everyone is all of the sudden convinced that we are going to marry. Dee especially. He and I said our official goodbyes tonite, because he said that he wanted to get away with giving me one last kiss goodbye. He went and saw Cee today, and amazingly, she told him she knew it would happen eventually, and that she didn't mind because it was me. So I can go see her without fear of verbal whiplash. She'd also have forgiven him if more had happened. I just wish that it could have been that way with me and Chipmunk. Luckily he knows that me and Dee are great friends, and we were just fucking around to test each other. But anywho. Kyraeus is telling me that I have to make a choice about my dream. Apparently I have avoided thinking about it, so now that Chipmunk will be here in less than 24 hours, it's coming back to bite me in the ass. Yeah, Chipmunk left today. I love him soooo much for doing this. My only thing is that I won't see the guy that I'm talkin about. Maybe this is a good thing. Because if I stay with Chipmunk, I get freedom and all my dreams come true. Almost all anyway. If I stay here, I'll be happy with this guy, but I'll sacrifice freedom. I mean, I don't even know how to approach the subject that I like him. Should I tell him? It might get it off my chest...But I'm gonna go, apparently the nap wasn't enough. I talked to Dee for a little, he came by to drop off my rabbit, and I was still tired then. It's worse now. I'm just nervous...very much so. But I hope to write one more time before I go, so look for it then!~Lioness~

woo, more quizzes! =^.^=

WHY IS THE RUM GONE?!?!?Duh. You are "But WHY's the rum gone?!"You're not the smartest one in the bunch, butyou're sweetly appealing and you don't letdisappointment get to you. Everybodyidentifies with you, because let's face it, whyIS the rum gone? Which one of Captain Jack Sparrow's bizarre sayings from Pirates of the Caribbean are you? brought to you by Quizilla::snores::You are Aurora from Sleeping Beauty! What Disney Princess are you? brought to you by QuizillaWOO! THAT'S ME!!!Congratulations!! You're a shot of some good oldhard liquor! What Drink Are You? brought to you by Quizillayou are the "you're so dumb" happy bunny.you are brutal in your words and enjoy puttingothers down. which happy bunny are you? brought to you by Quizillathis is just cute:You're a DRAMA QUEEN AIM-ER. Like, omigod! What kind of AIM-er are you? brought to you by Quizillamore when I find them!!! I want your body Nudist! (You know who you are! ;p)

Go Figure... ;p

Idxgdy is a Stoner!!!!! DUH!!!Stoner Bear Which Dysfunctional Care Bear Are You? brought to you by Quizilla

Wow. To...

Wow. Today is Saturday. Chipmunk leaves tomarrow to come up and get me. We might go to Hersheypark, but I dunno yet. But onto other news. D and I have been hanging out a lot lately, and we ended up getting a little closer than I wanted to. It was fun and all, but now I have to face C, and I don't think that's gonna go good. They are like, my best friends, and they are married. I mean, it's cool and all, but I really don't want to have to face her and tell her that I'm practically engaged and I was making out with her husband. It's not gonna go over very well. But Idxgdy is here, so I have to run. Time to go get some much needed nicotine. More possibly later!~Lioness~

weird shit

Ya know, I was sitting here thinking, and I keep tripping myself out over how me and Spag used to talk in the mornings. I was talking with him at work one time, and I told him like, how I used to have a crush on him. It was weird, cuz he said he felt the same. Ya know, I wonder where we would be today. Would we be dating? Cuz we are like, awesome friends now, but it's one of those things where ya gotta think of where you might be now, had you taken the chance to reveal feelings. Would I be moving to Texas? Would I be with Chipmunk? I mean, Chipmunk and I didn't start talking till LONG after me and Spag met. But it still has me wondering...I got a bday e-card from Spag, and another one from my "secret admirer." I still wonder if that was him. He said no, but maybe it was....ya know? But I'm gonna go. My aunt had me catch a kitten today, and even though I'm not supposed to name him (her?), I called it Bubbles. Well, he's meowing, so I'm gonna go take care of him...

The...

The Matrix sucks...cuz this is what the guys do on their free time. That's pretty bad...http://www.astercity.net/~tobik/pingpong.html

Dude. Drewb...

Dude. Drewbie just stopped by. He finally got rid of all his cars save 2. That's amazing. But he's like, so happy, cuz he has a new girlfriend and all. He's convinced she's the one. That's good. I'm glad to see him happy. Brandi comes down tomarrow. She wants to spend as much time as possible with me before I go. We're down to what...9 days officially? YAY! DAVID COMES ON MONDAY!! Well, I hope he does. He might not be here until Tuesday. Then I leave like, that Friday or something like that. I can't wait. Warmth, swimming pools, and motorcycles! YAY! But...yeah...I'mma go. More later.

Duh:...

Duh:You Are a Goth!You're so gothically outrageous, and you aren't afraid to flaunt it.Whether you dress up like Robert Smith or a tragic Little Bo Peep,chances are that you'll be parading around with the rest of the goths at Yoyogi Park on Sunday.Don't forget your white makeup and blue lipstick! Who knows?You may just get picked up by one of the seedy photographers.What's *Your* Japanese Subculture?

stupid journal

man...it better update this time...i hate you...Chipmunk, call me. I miss you. I want to hear your voice. I need laid...stupid porn stories...I hate them...and people offering don't help...Ky, you know you want me ;)

wow, beer is awesome

Today's Date: 07/28/03Leo (7/23-8/22) Why is it such a surprise that you're still so splendid and powerful? Your lover thinks the world of you. You found someone who can sustain this level of excitement with you. Now the fun begins all over again. Chipmunk, is that true? I LOVE YOU BABY!!!!!!

woo

Wow. I leave for Texas in about a week now. Chipmunk leaves on like, Sunday, which means that I could be gone in a week! YAY!!! I mean, the beef up here is just getting to the point where I can't take it anymore. I mean, as far as I know, there is like, NOBODY that I can just chill with without having like, serious guilt problems about one thing or another. That and I've tried getting a job since Sbarro's, and nobody seems to want me. Summer work or otherwise. There must be something wrong with me. Doughboy hasn't called or stopped by or anything, and he's the one who wants me to come and see him like, every damned New Years for his bday. I don't want to come back period, cuz I know I'll find a reason to stay here. But Christmas and New Year's are like, planned. But on to other things. Ebon's house was great, but he tends to be a little insecure about things. We got drunk, and I spent like, an hour talking to him trying to convince him things are worth living for. And that's a big step coming from me. Why is it that I'm only intellectual when I'm drunk? And man, Bodak was fucking HOT! I was like, OMG when I saw him. X-Man was cool, but he's just another "Yur crazy, I like that" kinda thing. I'm like a cross between the two of them. I don't think that Ebon liked that, but hey, he was worth seeing. He's always listening to what I say, I just feel bad. I know he's gonna read this, and I know I'm gonna catch shit for it, but he fell for me pretty hard. And he's less than subtle about it. I know people like me, I know I seem to be cute and crazy and all the things guys like, but hey, it's not gonna work out with anyone, other than Chipmunk. I'm sorry, but that's just the way things are. And I know how I should be honest to people's faces and all, but hey, this is the only place I can bitch about it without catching hell right at that moment. It works. But maaaan, am I actually glad to be home. I mean, I like it up there in Bumfuck nowhere, but I like cable and the internet and actually being able to walk and end up somewhere other than even further in the middle of nowhere. Cities are great. I mean, if I live in a farmhouse, it's at LEAST going to have neighbors around me. Their closest neighbors are like, a yard and a half (city backyards I mean) if not more away from them. It takes 5-10 minutes WALKING to get there! Uh uh, not for me. And Cheney, omg, that fucking cat is on crack or something. My fingers are the proof of that. She decided to use me as a chew toy. Stupid cat. But at least she's cute. But man, I'm like, out of things to say. I might update later, if I ever figure out where I put my little "Stick this in the livejournal update" paper. But hey...things go that way, ain't? Seeya later!

woo!

Wow, lots of things going on. I went out with Brandi last night. She decided to huff with some friends, and I almost killed her. I couldn't believe she would do something that stupid. I ended up going home instead of spending the night. I swore to her that if I ever find her doing that again, I would kill her. I mean, huffing is such an idiotic thing to do. It's so freakin addictive and like, can kill you after one hit. I told her weed is alright, but anything else and I won't talk to her again. It's just stupid to do those things.But on to better news. I'm going up to Ebon's house until Sunday night. I can't wait. We go to a concert tomarrow, I think. He said something in his email about a goth-rock concert. I'm curious as to who Sam is. Apparently he's the one driving Ebon down to get me. And mostly, this info is for Chipmunk. I miss him. He's leaving the 3rd to come and get me, so that means he'll be here by the 5th at the latest!!! YAY!!! I got 11 days left to wait! Then I'm gonna be warm and happy and riding a motorcycle in San Antonio! WOOHOO!!!!! I can't believe that I leave in like, a week and a half. Because the way I figure it, Dave only has off from work until the 10th. Which means we have to leave like, the 8th or 9th to be back on time. Things are finally getting done! I still have to go through all my shit and like, pack up the stuff I'm leaving here. I've got to find a way to get Baby down there, though. She's like, this REALLY old doll that I've had since I was about 2, and she is one of the ones with the beating hearts and all. I never gave her a name, so for 17 years I've been calling her Baby. Weird. But I'm almost 19 as well! I want to get a tattoo for my birthday...I'm gonna have to figure out a way to do that. IF I get any birthday cards in the mail, my mom is gonna open them and take the money out. I just know it. I won't have an addy down there for at least 2 weeks, so all my mail will be forwarded to her house till then. I'm just mainly worried about my license. How do I get it transferred over to a TX one? And how long do I have to do it? Oh well, guess I'll worry about that down there. Mostly I have to find a job first. Then I get to go see Kris. He wants to sleep with me, but I won't let him. I've screwed up too many times with Chipmunk, he can only hold so much forgiveness for me, ya know? I want him to know he can trust me. OH! That reminds me. I saw Bowers again today. I went for a walk (a bad thing since we rolled the car, man that hurt >.<) over to DJ Light's house, cuz me and my aunt like, had a really bad fight. So I went to talk. Walking back, I took the Rail Trail, and walking by the bus station, there's Bowers. I just like, watched him, kinda tryin not to look up, when I hear him call me! I'm like, what the hell does he want, is he gonna try to beat me up again? I mean, last time I saw him I walked away with a miscarraige and God knows how many bumps and bruises and scratches. So he like, walks up and starts asking how I been, and then has the audacity to tell me he was sorry! I'm like, for what, making me lose my baby or putting me in therapy for a month? Just leave me the hell alone. And he like, got all depressed looking and tried again to apologize. I just walked away. I mean, I put that shit out of my life. I don't ever want to deal with that part of my life ever again. It was a couple months of drugs, sex, arrests, and beatings. I'm never going back, and I can finally say that I don't remember most of it, and won't try to ever again man. I know enough that I won't try anything I did back then. I'm just gonna go back to San Antonio and be happy. That's all there is to it. But yeah, I'm goin now. I got to pack and all. Chipmunk, if you read this, make sure you don't try calling until Sunday night some time, preferably not until Monday. I love you, and I miss you. But to everyone else, see ya soon, I'M GOIN TO TEXAS IN A WEEK AND A HALF!!!!!!! YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ugh

Wow. I woke up this morning and hit my knee on the dog treat tin. Then I throwed up. THEN as if things weren't bad enough, my two little brothers came to visit. Brothers = no privacy. So now I'm sitting here practically having a nic fit. And I found out that the oldest one is going to get put in a group home. He's got ADHD, ODD, and Bipolar. And he's gotten so bad that my mom won't even try to discipline him anymore. She's afraid of him, and he's only 12. My family (except for my dad, he's just an asshole) is so scared that he will turn out to be like Zach Witman. I mean, the age difference is a little less with my brothers, but it seems like something that Bubba would do to Guppie. I'm so scared for them. I don't want him to go, but what else is there to do right now? But on to better news. Ebon wants to take me up to his place for the weekend. I'll find out later today if it's gonna happen. I want to, but I'm also scared of what might happen. I trust him, I just don't trust myself. But right now Brandie is on her way down here, so I have to go meet her soon. The dogs are barking, the rats are trying to eat my newspaper, and everyone doesn't feel good. Blah!